Picking yourself back up from the damage a partner’s affair has caused is a challenge like no other with numerous mental and emotional roadblocks. Being cheated on is one of the most hurtful situations a person can experience. Having that level of trust and security ripped out from under you from somebody you loved is never easy no matter how you frame it. Still, the best revenge you could ever execute is becoming more robust than ever before and showing the world that you can do better– and deserve better– than your previous cheating partner.
Relationship experts and couples counselors have consistently shown an interest in this subject and have developed some easy and effective ways to help you heal from an affair and regain your emotional and mental strength. This has always been a difficult experience for me to get over and I hope to help others achieve the same emotional support that these practical tips have given me.
10 Effective Ways To Heal From An Affair
These are fourteen ways that experts have come up with to aid in rehabilitation from a messy breakup:
- Don’t Focus On Why He Left You
- Stop Blaming Yourself
- Don’t Continue To Contact Your Ex
- Don’t Try To Change What Happened
- Try And Change Your Habits
- Don’t Try To Change What Happened
- Spend Time Doing Things That You Enjoy
- Try to Simplify Things
- Seek Outside Help
1. Don’t Focus On Why He Left You
One of the most effective ways to heal from an affair is to avoid thinking about why your partner left you. While it is the most effective way, it can also be the most challenging thing to do. Spending time doing nothing but thinking about why he left you, the reasons things ended, and so on, will only harm you in the long run. Dwelling on the past won’t help you move forward and away from your relationship. Try engaging in other, more mentally stimulating activities, so you don’t have the time or energy to think about your partner. Relationship experts and many therapists have found that pushing forward and focusing on yourself instead of focusing on the past helps people heal and move on. So, if you can spend a little more time on self-care and a little less on thinking about it all, you’ll heal faster and feel better.
2. Stop Blaming Yourself
Another essential step in the healing process is to stop blaming yourself for what happened to your relationship. You have to come to terms with the fact that if you put forth all that you could, all your effort and compassion, then your relationship falling apart is not your fault. A lot of people tend to blame themselves for it, stuck on what-ifs and could-haves, but nobody is at fault besides your cheating partner. It was their actions, their mistakes, that ruined your relationship, not yours. Once you come to understand that, you will be in a far better position to begin to heal from the emotional and mental damage that has been done. When you are able to stomach this fact, moving on is so much easier.
3. Don’t Continue to Contact Your Ex
Stop any source of contact with your partner. Whether it’s his phone number, email, social media, or any other source, the less you have to face him, the better you will feel, and the faster you will heal from your ruined relationship. If you do keep in touch with him, it will only keep reminding you of the past and will be a massive hurdle in your healing process. You can’t keep thinking about what girl he’s with, what he’s doing, etc. It will only ruin your mental and emotional health.
4. Don’t Try To Change What Happened
This past is over and done with, and nothing you could do would change that. Now is the time to make your present and future better for yourself. You cannot rebuild what has been smashed to pieces, so it is time to try and build something new, away from your relationship. If you keep clinging to the past and trying to change it, you will never be able to heal.
5. Try And Change Your Habits
Developing better, healthier habits is essential to the healing process. Learning to rely on yourself is the most important habit to develop. The second most important would be to learn to take care of yourself. Leaving behind a relationship because your partner cheated isn’t simple for anyone, and it can be easy to fall into the slump of a self-deprecating spiral. Develop a skincare routine, schedule more ‘me time,’ and take a relaxing bath every once in a while. Do little things to improve your mood and well-being. Making them habits will only help you heal from your past and could even prove to aid you in future relationships.
6. Try To Have A Positive Outlook
Remaining positive is one of the most important steps in the healing process. If you focus on the good things in life and don’t dwell on the negative ones, the past won’t be such a heavy weight on your shoulders. It can prove to be quite the challenge to maintain a positive outlook after a breakup– especially a messy one– so here are a few tips:
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member about how you’re feeling. Communicating openly about your feelings can help you start to process and move past them.
- Identify your positive qualities and the things that make you happy. Focusing on the good things about yourself can make you feel better about yourself and your situation, despite the heartbreak.
- Think about your future and what you want to achieve. Having even a single goal to work towards can help you feel more positive about your life, since you have something good to focus on.
7. Spend Time Doing Things That You Enjoy
Doing the things you enjoy can take your mind off of the pain of a breakup and help you remember the good times. It can also help you realize that there are other things in the world that can make you happy, since life seems so droll after a heartbreak. If you like playing guitar, schedule classes. If you like to paint, spend a few hours a week working on a piece. Doing the little things in life that make you happy can bring a sense of fulfillment, making moving on from the past that much easier.
8. Try To Simplify Things
Dumbing things down into the barest truths will help keep you from emotionally overburdening yourself. Understand that your partner cheated, that it wasn’t your fault, and that the relationship is over now. It is okay– and healthy– to grieve the relationship, but simplifying the situation instead of worrying about all the what-ifs will leave you far more calm and composed and, therefore, in a better position to begin the healing process.
9. Seek Outside Help
There are two sources that you can seek help from after a breakup:
- Professional help:
- Professional help refers to reaching out to an expert who can provide counseling or therapy sessions. There are a few reasons why this can be helpful, but it boils down to the fact that a professional can help you learn coping skills to deal with your emotions after the division and to move on and pursue your future instead of dwelling on the past.
- Help from family and friends:
- This type of help is essential to provide emotional support. They can lend a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and offer advice if need be. Additionally, they can help distract you from your breakup by spending time with you and doing the things that you enjoy. More importantly, however, they remind you that you are not alone in this and that they are there for you.
Interacting with others will help you get out of your head. It can be easy to get stuck in your thoughts and emotions when going through a breakup, making you forget that there is a whole world to explore and enjoy. Socializing gives you a chance to take a break from the pain of your heartache and can remind you that you are not alone.
Despite the hardships, life will continue to flourish even in the darkest days. Focus on the positive aspects of life, and be true to yourself. If you keep pushing forward and don’t let the past hold you down, moving on will just be another speed bump in an overall joyous life.