Have you ever met someone who absolutely goes out of their way to make others happy? Oh yeah, that’s me. Well, maybe you are a people pleaser too. And that’s not necessarily a good thing.
People pleasures are so busy taking care of things they often forget to take care of themselves. They also find it hard to give up control and let others take care of them. But even worse, people-pleasers emit insecurity, a lack of confidence and come across as weak and needy.
You may have some around you, but what are the chances that you are one of those kind-hearted people who are always up to help people and be kind to them? Well, for them, the definition is enough to identify whether I am a people pleaser or not, but for some people, it is not that easy to understand that is the reason let me break it down for you.
Although there are plenty of ways you can identify whether you are a people pleaser, these five signs that I am about to tell you will help you get it better and also help you understand if you have some around you.
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Well, I have explained to you briefly what is actually a people pleaser. These people are some kind-hearted individuals that are more than happy to go the extra mile to help you in whatever is possible for them. It can be as easy as crossing the road to solve some complicated challenges. These people will help you find your way.
Some think it’s a blessing to be a people pleaser, and sometimes it is a curse. People will use you for their own good and burden you with their things which makes you burdened with other responsibilities.
5 Signs To Know Whether You Are A People Pleaser Or Not
Here are the five signs that confirm that you are a people pleaser.
- You Cannot Say No
- You Are Always Apologetic
- You Always Agree To People Even If You Are Not Convinced
- You Accept Mistakes That Are Not Yours
- You Want People To Think Good About You
1. You Cannot Say No
One of the most prominent signs that you are a people pleaser is that you cannot decline anyone’s request whatsoever. You find it very, very hard to say no to people because you want them to feel good about you. If you are among people and someone asks you to do a favor, and you are having your moment, you will find it very difficult to say to that person and have your moment. Instead, you will ruin your moment.
If you think this is what happens to you all the time then you are a people pleaser for sure. It is quite difficult to comment on how exactly it is to be a people pleaser. Is it good or bad because it entirely depends upon your own perception of things?
2. You Are Always Apologetic
A friend of mine asked me to babysit her daughter at her house for three hours. I said yes, but at the 11th hour, I got a call from my office that I needed to be at a place to meet a client. So eventually, I couldn’t reach my friend’s house, so I called her to elaborate on the situation, and she understood. From that day till today, it’s been more than six months. I feel so sorry for her, and I always feel apologetic about that.
How did you feel about this scenario, although it’s not my fault and my friend also understands the situation, but it still made me feel bad. This is one of the key signs that I am a people pleaser because I am always apologetic, even though it’s not my fault. If this is your situation, my friend you are a people pleaser.
3. You Always Agree To People Even If You Are Not Convinced
Imagine yourself being in a conversation with a friend of yours is making a completely stupid argument with no logical sense to it, and you agreed with him just because he is your friend and you don’t want to hurt his feelings. This is another sign of people pleasers because they agreed with people because they say they don’t want to hurt their feelings.
This type of situation can be manipulative sometimes, and people can use these types of people because they are easy to convince. If you think this is what happens to you, then you can be easily drawn into investment scams, frauds, and other crimes.
4. You Accept Mistakes That Are Not Yours
Another sign that shows you are a people pleaser is that you always accept mistakes that are not yours. You are easy to blame, and you just accept it. There are many reasons for that because people pleasers said that they took the blame to make the situation better and prevent it from worsening. If you think this is a stupid idea, then you are not a people pleaser, and if you think exactly the same, then you are one of those.
Imagine yourself in your workplace, one of your group members did something wrong that eventually caused the whole project to suffer delay. Your manager asked who did that, and no one replied he thinks you are the reason that happens, even if you know who made that error, you did not say his name and took the blame on yourself. This is how people pleasers took the blame on them even if they have nothing to do with it.
5. You Want People To Think Good About You
Who does not want people to remember them in good words? Everybody wants to be remembered in good words, but can you do whatever it takes to make people think good about you? If you do, then you are a people pleaser.
People pleasers burdened themselves with others’ tasks to make others think that they are good people. There are people who manipulate this trait and always ask for favors for their own good.
Be You And Be Good
Helping others is a good thing. But being a people pleaser can become a problem because the constant feeling of needing to prioritize others before yourself can wreak havoc on your mental, emotional and physical health.
It’s damaging to yourself to rely on people-pleasing behaviors to improve your feelings of self-worth.
Wanting to help others is great. But not when it hurts you.
I used to work with this amazing girl who was a people pleaser. She would do whatever it took to make others happy even when she herself wasn’t happy at work. Her boss was horribly toxic, but she never disagreed with her and kept doing whatever it took just to keep the peace and make sure everyone else around her happy.
She was miserable at work, and as a result, she brought that misery home with her, which ended up putting a strain on her relationship with her boyfriend. After long enough, that strain became too much, and they broke up.
If you find this is how you are, it’s time to start looking into setting boundaries with others, but most importantly, you need to ask yourself why you are this way in the first place.