Confronting a cheater is the same as confronting a thief for a robbery. They’ll be panicked, deny what they did, and apologize with crocodile tears once you present them with proof. Your cheating partner may as well have just stolen your heart– and not in the cheesy, romantic way, either– and they’ll want a way out. Whether or not you have significant evidence, their reaction will ultimately result from that need to find a way out.
Enraged shouting, uproarious outright denial, pleading apologies, or manipulative tears, it’s all the same. Every cheater approaches their need to escape the situation differently. Some think that they can be loud and angry enough to scare you away from their infidelity, while others think that showing sorrow and remorse will allow them back in your heart. In the end, they all crave that way out.
8 Ways Cheaters React When Accused
The following are the eight ways cheaters react when accused:
- They Will Deny The Accusation
- They Will Act In Disbelief
- They Will Act Guilty
- They Will Try To Gaslight You
- They Will Try To Argue
- They Will Act Out In Anger
- They Will Try To Make Excuses
- They Will Act Confused
1. They Will Deny The Accusation
Denial is one of the most common responses from cheaters when they are accused. When confronted with evidence, they will refuse to accept it and deny the accusation by claiming it’s all made up and built on lies. Because they are aware that what they did was wrong, they will try and avoid and deny any association with it.
Naivety can lead forgiving souls to fall into the trap their partner laid before them and accept the outright denial. But, with enough undeniable proof, he will inevitably be forced to accept that he has been caught red-handed.
2. They Will Act In Disbelief
Despite their similarities, denial and disbelief are different things. Disbelief is meant to instill a sense of confusion in the hopes that you’ll start to believe that he could never do such a horrid thing. When confronted, he’ll act incredulous, not believing that he could ever do those things and that he would never cheat. He will attempt to make you wonder why you would ever accuse him of such an act. Like with adamant denial, however, with enough irrefutable evidence, he will be forced to leave behind his previous farce of disbelief and accept it.
3. They Will Act Guilty
There are a few reasons why a cheater may respond with guilt instead of denial or disbelief when confronted with their behavior. It could be because they know what they did was wrong and are genuinely sorry for hurting you, though it is such a rare occurrence that believing this is the case is asinine behavior. More often than not, any genuine guilt is due to the fact that they were caught, not that they cheated in the first place. It might also be because they believe that presenting a font of guilt and remorse will protect them from losing the relationship, being kicked out of the house, etc. They believe that if they make you pity them, they won’t have to face the consequences of their actions.
At the very least, expressing guilt is a somewhat dignified response. It’s certainly not good, but it shows a little more tact than outright denial.
4. They Will Try To Gaslight You
Gaslighting is another tactic an accused cheater might try to use. By that, I mean that he will try to turn the situation around on you and stick the blame to misinterpreted ‘evidence’. He will try to remove any responsibility from his shoulders to try and make you seem like the bad guy in the situation. You have to stick to the evidence that you found, just as he will stick to his lies and manipulations. Nobody will be able to deny outright evidence, not even him if you stick to your guns.
5. They Will Try To Argue
Only a liar would fight tooth and nail to get you to believe their version of the story. After all, if they were telling the truth, they would be able to counter your evidence with their own concrete proof. Be prepared for an argument to potentially break out if you confront him with his infidelity because he will want to take the pressure off of him and shove it onto you by being forceful about it.
6. They Will Act Out In Anger
If not with an outright argument, they might respond with anger to the accusations, as this is how he truly feels. Cheaters may react this way because they don’t want to be caught and are furious that they were. They would prefer their illicit activities remain behind closed doors and away from your knowledge. He could make threats, throw out his own backless accusations, and even get physically violent. Try to have this conversation around other people because while it may not prevent him from acting out in anger, you won’t be alone if he gets violent.
7. They Will Try To Make Excuses
There are numerous reasons why a cheater would make excuses when confronted. They could be trying to avoid taking responsibility for their actions by deflecting the blame or simply trying to avoid the ensuing awkward and uncomfortable conversation. Cheaters could also be attempting to protect their ego by making excuses or trying to avoid any potential consequences their actions may bring on.
All their excuses will amount to nothing but shame with concrete evidence, however.
8. They Will Act Confused
A cheater might act confused when confronted for a plethora of reasons. They could be using it as a form of denial, to try and gaslight you, or because they genuinely may not see fault with their actions. Confusion helps them deflect blame by making you feel like you’re the one overreacting and that what they did wasn’t all that bad. Ultimately, they just don’t want to take responsibility for their actions. You just have to stick to your guns and ride the act out.
The Bottom Line
Confronting your partner about their infidelity is a complex and challenging task that could even prove dangerous. However, it is the right thing to do with enough preparation. It is your right to know the truth about what your supposed significant other has been up to behind your back. So, gather your evidence, plan the confrontation, and ride his inevitable tantrums out until you get the truth you deserve.