Do I choose my boyfriend or my job?

Do I choose my boyfriend or my job?

When I got out of college I had a hard time landing a good job. Eventually after about a year of trying, I took the first offer that came my way. Unfortunately it barely paid above minimum wage, but I took the job because it was an office job and I figured the time I spent working for that company would give me real life work experience and I knew that would only help enhance my resume.

After working at what I could only describe as a nightmare of a dead end job I finally got a job offer with real career opportunities. The pay isn’t great, but at $45,000 a year, it’s far better than the almost minimum wage I’m making now and it’s in my field of study. It’s what I went to school for, why wouldn’t I want this job, right?

Well my boyfriend is the problem. This new job would require us moving to a new city, which is about 4 hours away from where we live now. At first he was all for it. He works as a bartender so he knows he can get a job in any city with no problem. However after a few days he started saying how much he loves the city we live in, (I don’t) and how he doesn’t want to move. He talks about how everything he loves to do (hobby wise) is in our city, mostly his surfing, but to me, that isn’t the case. I don’t like to surf. I like reading and watching movies. I can do that anywhere. And last but not least he brought up the issue of “our” friends. But truth is, they aren’t our friends, they are his friends. My friends from college have all moved on and gotten real jobs and live in places all over now. None of my friends live near me anymore.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to find a real job where we live now and haven’t had any luck. Now finally I’m being offered a great job, with full benefits and making way more money but I feel like I can’t take it or I’ll risk losing him. What do I do?

Are you kidding me? How is this even really an issue for you? You have a great career opportunity ahead of you, and you are going to consider blowing it off because of why? Your boyfriend can get a job anywhere. There are bars and restaurants in every city. He can bar tend anywhere.


So why would you even consider staying with a guy who wants to hold you back? That’s just crazy. There are no words that can describe my confusion on this one.

You are young, you just got out of college – you still have your whole life ahead of you. Sure, you probably care about this boyfriend, but does he really care about you? I mean, obviously, he’s willing to put his own wants, needs, and desires ahead of what is best for you. So what does that really say about your relationship?

At this time in your life, you need to think about what is best for you. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to come to the new city with you, then that’s his loss!




Do you have a question for Tracy? Click here to ask Tracy!

Ask Tracy’s advice column is for entertainment purposes only. Tracy is not a love advice specialist or medical professional of any kind. The advice given here is intended to be taken with a grain of salt and is based on personal life experiences, not professional training. The reader is advised to use his or her common sense when it comes to adhering to this or any sort of romantic advice. If you are having serious relationship problems, you are advised to seek real help from a doctor, not someone you meet on the internet.



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Tracy Tegan
Tracy Tegan has spent the last seventeen years as a professional blogger about relationships, dating, and issues pertaining to gender equality at In her spare time, she writes romance novels that are available at Amazon.  You can check out Tracy Tegan's latest romance novel, Crescent Moon at Amazon.

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Do I choose my boyfriend or my job?

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