Dear Tracy. My Fiance ended our relationship last month. He told me that he needed to better himself to be the man I deserved and made me all these promises. He then moved out of my house and, two days after, started talking to his ex.
I begged and pleaded for him not to do this. It completely came out of nowhere. His mom and I are both so confused. Now he is talking to a bunch of other women, and it feels like our relationship meant nothing to him.
I have been so heartbroken, I lost 33lbs in a month, and I still can’t sleep. I just want the pain to stop. Please give me some advice on a way to move on.
I want to just give you a big hug right now and tell you that everything will be okay in time. But what you really need right now is the harsh truth, and that is, he didn’t break u to better himself for you, he broke up because he didn’t see a future with you.
And as hard as that is to hear, it’s actually good that he did that now so that you could do what’s right for you and find someone who deserves you.
I know that it hurts. I know that you feel lost and confused. But I promise you this: one day, you’ll see the best thing he ever did for you was to break up because you deserve better. You deserve someone who loves you more than life itself.
You deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with you.
So, to answer your specific question, “How do I move on?” well, it starts with unfollowing him on all social media profiles. If you want to start feeling better, you have to start by putting him out of your mind. I might even suggest going all the way and flat-out-blocking him.
I mean, he’s the one who wanted a new life, so let him have it without the benefit of you!
Next, stop talking to his mother.
“His mom and I are both so confused.”
No, she’s not. Trust me, mothers know why their children do things. She might be saying nice things to you right now because she feels bad or maybe doesn’t want to get involved in his mess, but she knows why he broke up with you and likely knew for a while that this wasn’t going to end well. Beyond that, she’s not your family, she’s HIS. If you are going to move on, then you need to put his friends and his family behind you. I’m sure you probably really liked her and felt close to her. But in the end, she just isn’t YOUR mother, she’s his. You have to cut off that relationship.
“and, two days after, started talking to his ex”
No, it wasn’t two days after. I think every girl in the world who has been through a bad breakup probably read that line and knew better than that. Maybe he told you that, but trust me, he has probably been talking to her for a while now.
But even if he hasn’t. His going right back to his ex just two days after you broke up tells you everything you need to know about your relationship with him. You deserve someone who loves you with all of their heart.
After blocking him on social media and cutting off communication with his friends, family, and co-workers, it’s time to start focusing on you. This means taking care of yourself and keeping yourself busy.
When you don’t have anything else going on, your mind starts to wander. So keep yourself busy. Get a hobby, take a class. You could take a cooking class. Or maybe learn a foreign language. The point is, you have to do something. So what will it be?
I personally suggest a cooking class or maybe a class on baking sweets. Then you are not only busy doing that and not thinking of him, but you are also learning something you can use. I mean, who doesn’t want to learn how to do those fancy cupcakes?
You are already blocking him out of your life by not following him on social media, but you’ll still think of him. That’s only natural. So when you do have those moments that you start to get sad, force yourself to do something else.
- Read a book.
- Watch a movie.
- Call your mother.
- Take an online class (Udemy.com has a ton of them)
- Clean out your junk drawer
Listen, it won’t be easy. You loved this guy. You have to let yourself have time to heal, but the only way you are going to heal is by not focusing on him or your relationship.
You have to keep busy. You have to do things. you have to force yourself to do things.
I know it won’t be easy. But I promise it will be worth it.
You don’t deserve … no, wait, make that, he doesn’t deserve you. The person you need to share your heart with is the guy who will appreciate it.
It’s clearly not this guy.
You have already taken the first step when you asked, “How do I move on?” Good for you!
Moving on after a breakup is rough. I won’t try and minimize that. I know it feels like your whole world is ending, but I promise you, that’s not the case. He really did you a favor.
You deserve so much better, and by taking these few steps that we’ve already talked about, you’ll see how much easier it gets with each passing day.
Ask Tracy’s advice column is for entertainment purposes only. Tracy is not a love advice specialist or medical professional of any kind. The advice given here is intended to be taken with a grain of salt and is based on personal life experiences, not professional training. The reader is advised to use his or her common sense when it comes to adhering to this or any sort of romantic advice. If you have serious relationship problems, you are advised to seek real help from a doctor, not someone you meet on the internet.