How do I tell my boyfriend to stop using me?

How do I tell my boyfriend to stop using me?

Dear Tracy, My boyfriend was having problems at his work, so he moved in with me to save money. Only things turned from bad to worse, and he ended up losing that job. Now I’m the only one making any money and paying all the bills. This has been going on for three months, and he doesn’t appear to be making any effort to get a new job and help me with the bills. I don’t know what to do. I love him. We’ve been together for over a year, and I don’t want to lose him over something as stupid as money, but this is killing me. I know he’s using me. I just don’t know what to do.

This is a rough one. On one hand, I completely get why you tried to help him because you love him, but sometimes you have to love yourself more. Clearly, he doesn’t respect you, or he wouldn’t allow you to stress yourself out like this, trying to support both of you.

If he doesn’t carry his weight, you sometimes must say enough is enough. Give him a deadline, and tell him that he has thirty days to make a change or he’ll have to move out.


I know that sounds hard to do, and I’m sure it will be, but in the end, you have to do what is best for you.  You have to put yourself before others if you really want to be happy long term.

If your boyfriend had any respect or love for you, he wouldn’t do this to you. So if he doesn’t respect you, you must respect yourself and set boundaries. Either he gets shit life together, or he needs to move on.

He’s using you. He’s taking advantage of you. That’s not okay. You deserve better than that.

While it is understandable that you love your boyfriend and want to support him through difficult times, it’s critical also to prioritize your own well-being and happiness. From your account, it appears that he is not demonstrating respect or consideration towards you, and this imbalance in your relationship is causing you undue stress. You must set boundaries and communicate your concerns and expectations with him. If he fails to take appropriate action and continues to exploit your kindness, it may be best to reconsider the relationship. Remember, you deserve respect, consideration, and an equitable partnership.


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Ask Tracy’s advice column is for entertainment purposes only. Tracy is not a love advice specialist or medical professional of any kind. The advice given here is intended to be taken with a grain of salt and is based on personal life experiences, not professional training. The reader is advised to use his or her common sense when it comes to adhering to this or any sort of romantic advice. If you are having serious relationship problems, you are advised to seek real help from a doctor, not someone you meet on the internet.

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Tracy Tegan
Tracy Tegan has spent the last seventeen years as a professional blogger about relationships, dating, and issues pertaining to gender equality at In her spare time, she writes romance novels that are available at Amazon.  You can check out Tracy Tegan's latest romance novel, Crescent Moon at Amazon.

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How do I tell my boyfriend to stop using me?

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