Fighting does not have to be shouting about dramatic disagreements. It should be not seeing eye to eye and talking about it calmly and constructively. A healthy relationship actually depends on being able to fight in a healthy manner because it means you aren’t uncomfortable with each other and that you have stable boundaries.
More than anything, people want to know “how often will a couple fight in a healthy relationship?” or “How long until things get back to normal after a fight?” But, that isn’t quite the right approach. What determines a healthy relationship isn’t how often you fight– though it shouldn’t be an everyday thing– but how you fight.
The Four Best Ways to Check If Your Fights Are Healthy or Not
When it comes to fighting in a relationship, you have to ask yourself if they are healthy or not. If they fall under these criteria when you evaluate them, it’s a safe bet that they’re alright. Of course, this is not a measure of couple compatibility, but hopefully, these ideas can help you understand your relationship better.
You Can Communicate With Each Other During and After the Fight
When it comes to fighting in a relationship, you have to ask yourself if they are healthy or not. If they fall under these criteria when you evaluate them, it’s a safe bet that they’re alright. Of course, this is not a measure of couple compatibility, but hopefully, these ideas can help you understand your relationship better.
In a relationship, you are bound to have disagreements. It’s part of being close to somebody and sharing your life with them. What the most important thing is, however, is not who’s right and wrong but how you approach a resolution. If you are both willing to work together to look for a way to find an agreeable solution, it indicates that you are in a safe place. Take a look at how your fights play out:
- Are you fighting for your relationship?
- For your partner’s happiness and growth as well as your own?
- For a resolution that will benefit both of you?
- Are you fighting just to be right?
If either of you are fighting to prove yourself correct and not for some other benefit, that is where the problem is.
You’re Able to Listen to Each Other’s Points Of View
When you have an argument in a healthy relationship, each of you tries to understand the other’s perspective to find a resolution that works for both. Both of you remain respectful of each other’s viewpoints, and try to understand why the other is reacting the way they are.
- There is no laying blame to justify your own points, or inflicting personal attacks
- You are trying to see the problem from your partners point of view as well
- You stay respectful no matter how heated the topic is
- You have an open door to share and listen to each other’s complaints without taking them personally and lashing out
You’re Able to Voice Your Feelings without Attacking Each Other
When you can constructively express your anger, your partner can work to acknowledge why you felt this way and avoid making the situation worse so that you can approach a solution together. This expectation should go both ways. A relationship where your emotions are not valued is not worth investing energy in. Being able to express your feelings without attacking each other is a valuable skill. It can be helpful to recognize that, even if your partner’s actions make us angry, you don’t have a right to attack them– either of you.
After The Fight, You Feel Closer and More Connected
After an argument, you should feel closer and with a greater understanding of each other. When you fight constructively, it means that you’re both interested in your mutual connection and care about each other enough to work together and accept your differences.
Your fights are likely healthy and constructive if they meet these criteria. An unhealthy relationship would cause you to avoid these topics of conflict, because doing so would not lead to a meaningful conclusion.
In Conclusion: Fights are part of a healthy relationship. If you are not arguing occasionally, it means that both of you are concealing far too much instead of working it out together. Working together to solve your problems is healthy.
However, if you find that you are arguing frequently or that they are becoming increasingly heated and destructive, then the relationship is not as healthy as you might think. Seeking aid from a therapist or couples counselor can help you both discover effective communication and conflict-resolution skills. It can also facilitate the discovery of the root of your relationship problems.
Stay safe and communicate effectively.
