Dear Tracy, I hope you can help me. I’ve been with my boyfriend just over a year and a half. On our one year anniversary we decided to move in together. Three months ago I caught him hitting on some girls at a bar and he even gave one girl his number. We fought about it and almost broke up but he said he loved me and wanted to prove his commitment to me and our relationship and so we opened a shared bank account. He said that should show me how serious he is about our relationship because he trusts me with his money.
Lately he’s been withdrawing extra money from the account. When I asked him about it he said he was lending it to his brother but something about the way he said it made me not trust him. I asked him brother about it and his brother at first didn’t seem to know what I was talking about, then all of the sudden he was like oh ya ya he’s been giving me money for my car. Clearly he was lying.
I took off of work one day early just after that and follow Mike after he got off of work. He thought I was still working and didn’t expect me home for another 3 hours. So I figured if he was doing anything, maybe I could catch him in the act. He went to a bar and then home just before he expected me to be there. When I got home, I asked him what he did that evening after work and he lied and said nothing, he just came home. So while I didn’t exactly catch him cheating on me, he did lie to me because I seen him with my own eyes. He didn’t go straight home from work, he went to a bar for over 2 hours.
I don’t know what to do. I can’t help but shake the feeling that he is cheating on me and he is lying to me. Should I confront him? Am I crazy?
Instead of answering your question, I have one for you … Why do you want to be with someone that you don’t trust? By your own admission, you’ve had trust issues throughout the span of your relationship. What kind of connection can you really have with a person that you can’t trust fully? Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship so if you don’t have that, then what the heck do you really have?
What you need to do is worry less about him lying to you and stop lying to yourself. You’ve known for awhile whatever you have with that guy isn’t working and you are just looking for someone to tell you that it’s okay to leave him.
I’m sorry but it’s time to put on your big girl panties and do the right thing for you. Not because someone else told you it was the right thing to do, but because you, yourself know it is. TRUST IN YOURSELF.