I hate men … I hear that phrase a lot … more than I should. But the question is, why do you hate men? It’s easy to say I HATE MEN or “Men Suck”, but the question is, do you really mean it?
The actual word for man-hater is misandrist. Misandry is the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against men.
So let’s talk about that hate. Do you hate men because they hurt you or did you let them hurt you? Do you really hate men or do you really hate yourself for being in a bad relationship? Don’t get me wrong, there are situations where it is 100% their fault. But in most situations that isn’t the case and that is what I wish to talk to you about today. Almost from the start, I see friend after friend make some common mistakes in relationships.
1) DO NOT CALL HIM!
I don’t care how tempting it is, you do not need to call him. If a man wants to talk to you, he will call. If he doesn’t call then move on but under no circumstances should you be calling him. Have some self-respect already!
2) DO NOT ASK ABOUT HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND.
Under no circumstances should you ever ask him about his ex-girlfriends and you should never bring up your ex-boyfriends. It’s immature and can lead to all sorts of problems in your relationship. I mean honestly, do you really need to know if she was a better kisser than you? Also, people tend to romanticize the past so if you get him thinking about those good old days then she might be the one he’s calling tomorrow.
3) DON’T BE SO AVAILABLE.
It’s great having a boyfriend but if you want to keep him then you’ll have things of your own to do without him. Besides making yourself a better person by being more independent, it will make you appear more mysterious and he’ll want you even more! Seriously … take this advice more than anything else. GET A LIFE!! Go take a class, learn a foreign language, hang out with a friend, go see a movie, do anything … just do something that isn’t with your boyfriend. Like a fine wine, a healthy relationship needs room to breathe.
4) HIS WORK = NO GO!
Unless you are a full-blown psycho, don’t show up at his work for any reason whatsoever and yes, this includes calling him at work. When someone is at work, LEAVE THEM ALONE. I get that sometimes you are upset and really want to tell him about that, but there is a time and place for everything and work isn’t it.
5) DON’T BE A DRAMA QUEEN.
I know you may think it’s cute but really it’s not. Don’t be a drama queen in a relationship because in the end, all you will get is a dysfunctional relationship after dysfunctional relationships. If something upsets you, work it out … don’t drag it out for days and make a big deal out of everything. And whatever you do, don’t get any big ideas about sharing how you feel about him either. Drama queens tend to state their love for a man far too early and then freak out when he doesn’t respond in kind. If you haven’t been dating him seriously for at least 3 months then don’t share any personal feelings with him and that most especially includes I love you.
6) KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
The biggest mistake girls make in a relationship is not knowing what they really want. If YOU don’t know what you want, then how can others give it to you? Think carefully about what you want in a relationship and what you need to make you happy. When you figure out what those things are you will be a lot happier and can actually start down the road of a happy, healthy relationship.
7) DON’T EXPECT PERFECTION!
Listen, we are all human and we all make mistakes. So it’s not fair to hold your significant other to an unrealistic high expectation. You man isn’t perfect. He isn’t ever going to be perfect. He will make mistakes. That’s not fair to expect him or anyone to be perfect.
8) DON’T FIXATE ON PETTY ARGUMENTS.
My grandmother gave me some great advice when she said that I needed to learn to pick my battles. That simply means that we don’t have to fight over every stupid thing that annoys me. I mean is that fight really worth it? A friend of mine was annoyed at her husband because he wouldn’t put the lawnmower up after he finished with it, instead, he would just leave it in the garage. She wanted it put away in its little special place. They would fight about this every single week.
WHY? I mean is THAT really worth all the energy it takes to fight over something so stupid? The world isn’t going to come to an end if he doesn’t put it in the exact spot she wanted. It’s not like he was cheating or secretly gambling away their retirement fund. So next time you need to stop and ask yourself if this fight really worth it? Sometimes you just need to overlook the small stuff.
I Hate Men
So before you say I HATE MEN next time, stop and remember what I said here today. It’s easy to blame someone else and say Men Suck, but sometimes we need to look at our own behavior. If you want your relationship to work you are going to have to put forth the effort and sometimes that means looking at our own lives and our own behavior.
I love watching Anna Akana on YouTube. She put out a video called “how to date men when you hate men” and I wanted to share it with you because it brings up some incredibly valuable points.
I do wish she would have gone into the categories of men more. It’s important to understand the type of men out there before claiming I HATE MEN. I mean first, know who you are talking about. Dating is rough and I really do get that. So what kind of men did she point out?
- Peter Pan – The never settle down kind of man
- Piggy Bankers – The kind of man that pops up every now and then in case he wants to cash in on this. I think I’ve already heard people call it breadcrumbing. Where you contact the person just enough (leaving breadcrumbs) to keep them hanging out without actually making a real commitment of any kind.
- Players – This one we all know. No explanation needed.
She says the best thing ever.
I don’t hate men individually. But as a group, I hate the systematic repression of women and the patriarchy.
That is why I love Anna Akana. She nailed it! That line right there is so, so true! She’s right in saying that there are good men out there in abundance, not all men suck. Yes, many do, but not all men. Believe it or not, there really are some kind loving men who are looking to settle down.
So yes, I get you are frustrated and find yourself screaming
I HATE MEN
But it only takes one. And that one guy is out there somewhere.