I can’t tell you how many times over the years I’ve gotten emails wanting to know if their boyfriend was cheating.ย While I’m not a psychic and can’t say for sure, I can tell you some things to watch out for so that you can figure out on your own if your man is cheating on you.
A leopard does not change his spots!
If your boyfriend has a history of cheating, chances are he’s going to do it again. You know the saying ladies … once a cheater, always a cheater. Sorry but it’s a proven fact.
Look at Hollywood sweetheart Sandra Bullock. When she got with her husband Jesse James, his current girlfriend was seven months pregnant with their child. He left his 7 months pregnant girlfriend and ran off with Sandra Bullock. They got married and guess what? Jesse James ended up cheating on her with multiple women. Just remember rule # 1, if he cheated with you, he will cheat on you.
The Biggest Signs Heโs Cheating On You:
- Heโs on his phone or online more than usual
- Cares about his appearance much more than usual
- Heโs suddenly very busy with work
- He avoids intimacy with you
- Avoids having sex with you โฆ or wants it all the time
- He hasnโt taken his online dating profile down
- He suddenly needs a lot of privacy
- Hides his finances
- He picks fights with you
- He has major mood swings
- He gets overly defensive when you ask if heโs cheating
- He stops saying โI love youโ
- His daily routine suddenly changes
- You smell another woman on him
- You feel it in your gut
Is he on his phone more than usual?
If your boyfriend is suddenly glued to his phone, this could be a sign he’s cheating — especially if he’s sneaky about it. If he doesn’t tell you who he’s talking to or gets mad if you ask him about it, consider this a major red flag. A man whoโs 100% into the relationship and doesnโt have another woman in the mix will have nothing to hide. He wonโt be constantly texting someone else and acting funny about it.ย If you feel like his attention is always elsewhere, either directed at his phone or the computer, then he could be connecting with someone else online. If he acts defensive about it, wonโt tell you more, and tries to hide it from you, this is a sign heโs cheating or about to cheat.
Does he care about his appearance more than usual?
If he suddenly takes a renewed interest in his appearance when youโre in an established relationship, heโs probably not trying to impress you.ย Has he joined a gym out of the blue? Is he trying to lose weight? If he never had an interest in working out before, he could be preening to try to attract someone new.
Is he trying out a more updated hairstyle? Shopping for new clothes and dressing differently? Maybe wearing a different cologne, one you didnโt choose for him? These are all common behaviors of men when theyโre trying to attract women (you may remember some of them from when you first started dating him!) and donโt really mesh with how a guy acts when heโs already in an established relationship.ย Is it possible he just wants to feel good about himself and maybe impress you? Yes, of course. You canโt take any of these signs in a vacuum. You need to take the whole picture into account.
Heโs suddenly very busy with work
If he suddenly has to travel out of town more frequently, or heโs having a lot more late nights at the office, it could be cause for concern.ย If heโs recently been promoted or his job has changed somehow, this might not be something to worry about. But if you know thatโs not the case and heโs exhibiting some of the other signs here as well, itโs a definite cause for concern.
Is he going out after work more frequently for happy hours with people from the office? If thereโs a new woman at work this could be a way for him to spend time with her off the clock and away from the office, to get to know her on a more personal level. If he never went to work happy hours before and suddenly starts going regularly, it could be a sign heโs testing the waters to cheat.ย Itโs also possible heโs using โworkโ as a cover for whatever heโs out there doing. Saying you have to work is a tough excuse to argue with.
He avoids intimacy with you
This is not the same as avoiding sex, this is about demonstrating affectionate and loving behavior.ย If a man is cheating because heโs in love with someone new, it could make him feel like heโs cheating on his new love with you if heโs affectionate and loving with both of you, especially if heโs a loyal guy by nature and cheating is something new for him.ย Even if heโs not in love with the person heโs cheating with, someone engaging in infidelity can feel uncomfortable behaving intimately with a girlfriend because it runs counter to their cheating behavior. Unless heโs a total sociopath, he probably still has feelings for you, and that will make him feel guilty. Showing loving behavior toward you when heโs cheating on you would make him feel even worse.
Avoids having sex with you โฆ or wants it all the time
Sex is a form of intimacy, so if heโs avoiding sex with you it could tie into the previous point. However, he could also be avoiding sex with you because heโs already having enough of it with someone else. Conversely, his sexual appetite may increase because the affair is leading to a surge in testosterone. Or maybe itโs a way for him to cope with his guilt.ย The key is, his sexual appetite and behavior have changed. Maybe he now has zero interest in having sex, or maybe he now has a voracious appetite for sex. Watch out for changes in his normal patterns.
He hasnโt taken his online dating profile down
While you closed your account the second you became official โฆ you notice he never did. Or maybe he did, but you noticed it recently became reactivated. Or maybe someone you know stumbled upon him on a dating app โฆย A man who isnโt looking to cheat will not leave his profile up once youโre official, and if he takes it down when you do, he definitely wonโt reactivate it later. This is a clear sign heโs already cheating, or at the very least wants to.ย Does he have a dating app on his phone that wasnโt there before, or when you ask him to delete it you notice itโs still there weeks later? These are not the signs of a man who wants to be faithful.
He suddenly needs a lot of privacy
Everybody needs a certain amount of privacy, and people can be different about how much of it they need. Some people are fine with sharing their email passwords or leaving their Facebook pages open, others are not. The point is, he wonโt be one way and then suddenly change without good reason.ย If he used to keep his phone unlocked all the time and leave it on the table when he left the room, and now itโs always locked and he takes it with him, or he used to leave his accounts open when he walked away from the computer and now heโs signing out first, thereโs a reason.
Privacy about his personal space is important too. If he used to want to have you around right when he got off from work, and now he wants to go right to the bedroom for โmeโ time or a shower first, this could be a sign heโs cheating. In the end, relationships are about openness and sharing. You are working toward sharing a life together. If it felt like he was open and sharing before but now heโs suddenly shutting you out, itโs a huge red flag.
Hides his finances
While he used to leave his credit card statements or his phone bills out in the open, heโs suddenly very stealthy with all statements and receipts. If heโs spending money on someone new, he wonโt want you to notice and question it. If you do happen to see receipts or statements, have his spending habits changed? A man whoโs cheating is probably going to be spending more, whether on new clothes for himself, gifts for the woman heโs cheating with, or dinners out or even trips together. He wonโt want you to know, so heโll try to hide his finances when he used to be totally open about them.
He picks fights with you
If heโs started seeming angry with you all the time and you donโt know why it could be because he feels bad and wants to turn you into the bad guy to alleviate his guilt. Is he being hypercritical? Nitpicking about every little thing you do that irritates him? He might be trying to focus on any trait of yours that could supply him with a justification for cheating, no matter how slim. If youโre wonderful, then heโll feel terrible about betraying you, but if he can turn you into someone awful and make that a reason for him to cheat, on some level, it might make him feel a little bit better.
He has major mood swings
A new relationship can be exciting and fun, but it can also cause anxiety. If your man is cheating, he might be happy and upbeat one minute, somber and depressed the next.ย Maybe heโll become euphoric at the opportunity of a rendezvous with the other woman, then let down when theyโre unable to communicate for some reason. Or heโll feel ecstatic one moment about her, then horribly guilty the next because of you.
A person whoโs cheating is unlikely to have totally stable moods because the pull of having an affair is the excitement, the wild ups and downs. And there are all the mixed emotions- the excitement, the guilt, the confusion, the uncertainty of where to go next (stay with you or be with her). It will be very hard for him to hide this from you.
He gets overly defensive when you ask if heโs cheating
If heโs not cheating and you express concern, heโs not going to get really angry right off the bat. Iโm not saying he wonโt be hurt at the suggestion or insulted that you would think that about him, but he wonโt immediately fly off the handle and attack you. If he does, he definitely doth protest too much.
This goes for if itโs the first time you ask if heโs cheating, of course. If you were cheated on in the past and this is a big issue for you and youโre constantly accusing him of cheating, eventually it can make any man angry and defensive. But if this is the first time youโve mentioned it and he goes ballistic, this is indicative of a guy who is truly guilty. Of course, a guy who isnโt cheating is going to deny it. But that will be more of a genuine denial. When his denial seems dramatic and over-the-top, itโs because heโs putting on a performance.
He stops saying โI love youโ
Again, the guilt! A man whoโs cheating will probably not be comfortable showing you affection and engaging in loving gestures like holding hands and hugging you, and this goes for his words as well. If heโs normally vocal about saying I love you and giving you compliments, and those three words are no longer said and the compliments have dried up, it means heโs distancing himself emotionally from you. This can be because heโs emotionally involved with someone else, or if the someone heโs seeing is just for pure sex, it could mean he still loves you, and the fact that heโs cheating makes him feel guilty. Heโs betraying you but doesnโt want to betray you with his words by saying things that donโt match up with his actions, because it makes him feel worse.
His daily routine suddenly changes
This can tie into some of the other signs here. Have his work hours changed noticeably? Maybe heโs staying later, or maybe heโs going in earlier so he can leave earlier but still come home at the same time, leaving his afternoons free to see someone new.ย Or maybe heโs getting up early to hit the gym, or working through lunch instead of spending it with you. A change in his daily routine could be as simple as that he used to call you every day at lunch, or when he was on his way home from work, but he no longer does.ย People are creatures of habit. When youโve been with someone for a while, you become familiar with those habits. If all of a sudden heโs adopting an entirely new routine, something is up.
You smell another woman on him
It doesnโt have to be a perfume thatโs not yours (although thatโs a pretty significant tell!); maybe you smell cigarettes when he doesnโt smoke, or a new body wash thatโs not from your shower. If he seems to have freshly showered at odd times, he could be trying to wash the smell of her off of him.ย Do you see lipstick stains on his clothing in a shade you would never wear? Itโs hard if not impossible to hide all the evidence of cheating, especially sensitive stuff like this.
You feel it in your gut
If you have a terrible suspicion your man is cheating on you, thereโs a reason. If you used to trust him and feel completely secure in your relationship but now his behavior is causing you to worry, you need to trust your instincts and not sweep things under the rug.
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7 thoughts on “Is he cheating on you? Here are the signs …”
Yep. If a man has cheated before, he’s going to do it again. It’s just how those kind of guys are. Not all men cheat, but those who do will do it again and again and again and again.
I’m so sorry to hear about that Angela. That’s rough. You deserve better!
Yes, it’s a proven fact just about all men cheat. And once a cheater always a cheater, it’s so true. I’m not a hideous woman, I don’t have two faces, I want the “real life” one and only just for me husband, I will be a real woman and take care of you, I want only 1 man, and I will be true to him. All I ask is .. if you are in love with me, be with me, if you are in love with me..be true to me, if you love me…THEN DON”T F* OR BE INTIMATE WITH ANYONE!! Why is this so hard?? When men get hurt and they’ve been done wrong, holy smokes …the whole world is ending call security.
I don’t agree with that nomoremen. I don’t think all men cheat. A lot do yes, but I have to hair faith that there are some honest men left out there.
If he gets overly defensive about anything you know he’s hiding something!
All men cheat. Itโs their nature. The worse problem is when the lie about who they are. I met Jeff ford on match when he contacted me. I met his family, the whole shebang. A year later, I find out he is: gay, alcoholic, adhd, on psych meds, canโt hold a job. Heโs on the down low with men in gay bars but then told me he wants to get married and have kids. Watch out ladies!
My grandma used to always say a leopard doesn’t change its spot. Saw that in your story and had to lol