Ever notice that when women talk on the phone with their girlfriends than could talk for hours on end but when men talk to their male friends they are usually on the phone for less than 5 minutes? There is a reason for this. And this recent article I found on Medium talks about why.
Men aren’t natural conversationalists. Mostly, we fake it. Social interactions are just too awkward — or terrifying. Rather than admit we’re terrified, we drink, stuff lemons in our mouths, or talk about why petrochemicals smell.
That’s how much we hate talking. In fact, we create wars just to avoid attending functions and making fools of ourselves. Over the centuries, women have told us we have to go to functions, which has left a lot of unfinished wars. That’s why we have treaties.
Perhaps we’re lousy conversationalists because women won’t let us finish wars. There’s always some opera or party that’s more important. “It’s Aunt Mindy’s birthday,” they’ll say like Aunt Mindy hasn’t had eighty-five birthdays already. You’d think she’d be tired of them by now.
We have to go, usually with a plant that’s bigger than the car. Aunt Mindy’s drowning in plants and probably wouldn’t mind a birthday enema instead.
If you can put Aunt Mindy to sleep talking about why petrochemicals smell, I’m sure she’s grateful.
Since we can’t avoid these functions, men resort to doing what women would be doing if they weren’t having parties. We learn a bunch of stuff, figuring it’s better to bore people than embarrass ourselves. If we can put Aunt Mindy to sleep talking about why petrochemicals smell, I’m sure she’s grateful.
Unfortunately, we become know-it-alls. We turn every conversation into lectures on oil refining, lemon-sucking or the mating rituals of peacocks.
This has led to the term “mansplaining” which, according to the New Webster’s Dictionary, is when men “explain something in a condescending manner.” Urban dictionaries refer to it as “The reason women hit men over the head with water pitchers.”
Just as men can’t ask directions, they can’t admit someone might be more knowledgeable than them.
One woman on Reddit wrote about her last date saying “…the asshole starts telling me in exhausting detail about The Battle of Gettysburg. I have a degree in 19th-century history, for cryin’ out loud. Then he doesn’t call me.”
According to Psychology Today, men have a built-in mechanism known as “idiocy.” Just as men can’t ask directions, they can’t admit someone might be more knowledgeable than them.
This is a problem, particularly on subjects that are “highly gendered.” Men, for instance, think they know more about computers than women — even when they’re both in the same industry.
Susan Kraus Whitbourne, Ph.D. says this is common with dating and life in general. Men think too much of their technical abilities while women don’t think enough of theirs.
If women do think enough of themselves, they get accused of woman-splaining which, for reasons only psychologists can understand, men refer to as PMS.
Women should show they’re resilient, even if it means being accused of PMS or too free and easy with water pitchers.
Whitbourne advises women not to back off if they’re accused of this since “it reinforces the impression that you need to be educated.”
It’s the same strategy women should use with “e-bile” or “flamebait.” Men supposedly taunt women online — especially on dating sites — to see whether they can take it or not.
Women should show they’re resilient, even if it means being accused of PMS or too free and easy with water pitchers.
Other psychologists wonder if men aren’t compensating. If we’re terrified of social functions, imagine what online dating does to us.
Women need to be aware of this—even if it’s irritating. They can’t hit every date over the head with a water pitcher. Better to remain calm, reminding dates that another world war is inevitable (based on their knowledge of 19th-century history and the fact that men can only mansplain for so long without a war).
Maybe stick to things you can both discuss, like what goes great with lemons, or whether peacocks really need to be so showy when they mate.
Not that it wouldn’t hurt men to shut up about war. Just because we know The Gettysburg Address doesn’t mean we can’t ask questions like: “What’s your interpretation of The Gettysburg Address?” We might even get a funny response like “That’s where Lincoln lived, right?”
Another alternative is to save the intellectual discussion for a second date. Maybe stick to things you can both discuss, like what goes great with lemons, or whether peacocks really need to be so showy.
<p”>Choosing mutual topics can avoid mansplaining — or woman-splaining, for that matter. There’s always something you can discuss without either of you being a know-it-all.
Maybe talk about family. Your date might have an Aunt Mindy. You’d be surprised how many men have an Aunt Mindy. They could be waiting right now to hear about why petrochemicals smell.
It’s sure better than ducking water pitchers.
