These 15 people who thought they would never find love, give advice to those of us still looking.
When it comes to life goals, the wait to find love can seem endless. Finding a person to spend your days and years with tops many peoplesβ wish lists. If that describes you, take heart: these 15 formerly single peopleΒ have some advice that can get you through until you find your own happily ever after.
#15.Β One person
βYou really only need one person.
Donβt pick someone to fix, or be fixed by β this will only take away your time and emotional energy.β
#14.Β See how it goes
βIβd say donβt stress it by purposely trying to βactivate the dating modeβ on every woman you meet, just stay at on a friend level and see how it goes, if it develops into something where you think sheβs interested in more, go for it, if not then donβt ruin the friendship and respect her opinion. In the end itβs a lot of randomness. My first gf came outta nowhere and didnβt have the intent to date me, but it went well (well, for a while lol) That being said, Iβm bad at all of that stuff so take my stuff with a grain of salt.β
#13.Β Donβt cut them off
βKeep putting yourself out there. Youβre not gonna meet your future someone by sitting at home alone (unless itβs the food delivery person I guess). Even if you only have one friend (or none) who is available that day & can join you, still try to go to concerts, bars, bookstores, restaurants etc alone.
Also just because things donβt happen romantically with someone doesnβt mean cut them off. Sometimes people are meant to just be a fun friend/acquaintance and you can expand your social circle through them, and meet a romantic partner from that.
Edit: fixed a word.β
#12.Β Stop looking
βI know it sounds weird.. but: Stop looking and find a hobby that can involve other people. I swear women can smell desperation and loneliness. After a couple of years of dating after my divorce, zillions of first dates and women who had no long term potential, I gave up. I just did my own thing, worked on my cars with a local car club, worked, took care of the kids when I had them. Eventually, the woman I never would have sought out, unexpectedly came along. Been married 16 years now.β
#11.Β Something to settle
βDonβt get so caught up in not having someone and jump into something to settle. Not having someone isnβt as bad as being with someone who brings you down. Be patient.β
#10.Β Be vulnerable with people
βI was so painfully shy and insecure when I was younger. I didnβt believe anyone would see anything valuable in me. I would say donβt get caught up in thinking youβre unlovable. Itβs a self fulfilling prophecy. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with people. I spent a lot of time pushing people away because I feared rejection so much.β
#9.Β Put yourself out there
βTry to do something that allows you to meet new people. And I donβt mean it in a romantic way like go on dates, but, you know hang out with people, get to know someone new. This way even if you donβt find someone to date, you can get to know someone and they will introduce you to someone else and so on.
I mean, I know itβs very easy to just sit at home and be like βWell, if itβs my fate, he/she will find me eventuallyβ. Especially if youβre a girl (like me), itβs easy to think this way and not even try to put in any efforts. But it doesnβt work this way. Push yourself, be proactive, put yourself in situations where you might meet someone, even if theyβre sometimes not so comfortable for you. Even statistically the more people you meet, the more are the chances that one of them will end up that special someone.β
#8.Β Be upfront about your feelings
βI didnβt meet my wife until I was 30. My 20βs were quite lonely having had only one real girlfriend. Now that Iβm married with 2 kids, my advice for anyone younger and trying to meet a partner in life, is that you need to be upfront about your feelings, and not be concerned about rejection. None of the rejection will matter when you get older. In the moment in can feel bad, but instead you should think, βoh well, they didnβt like me, I will go try another oneβ
TLDR: not everyone is going to like you, and thatβs ok. Just keep trying until you find someone that does!
Edit: a word
Edit 2: people are much more often attracted to a personality, rather than on looks alone. If you show a potential partner that you are kind, generous, thoughtful etc, they could be more likely to find you attractive in the future. Just donβt lose faith in yourself and stay positive.β
#7.Β Just do you
βI spent much of the last 5 years thinking I was done with dating, that Iβd be single forever, that women my age werenβt interested in guys like me, etc. etc. etc. Make an excuse, I was probably telling it to myself.
Iβve tried online dating, Iβve tried getting βout thereβ and widening my social circles, doing new things. Iβd had a few very brief trysts arise from my efforts, but real connections felt very scarce, which to me seemed preposterous. I live in a very progressive state, with TONS of smart, kind, witty, wild women who are involved, aware, and active. But for all my efforts to meet and hold the attention of one, I was only feeling more and more defeated over time.
The best thing you can do, I think, is to just do you. Find joy in your daily routine, in the aspects of your life that you choose. Be into you. Someone is going to notice. Confidence and comfort in your own skin is probably the most attractive quality one can project. Are you a little bit weird? Fucking go with it. Own it. Revel in it. Someone out there is gonna find your quirks adorable, even sexy. Iβm 35 years old and I still have trouble believing myself to be an attractive individual. But I am also an incredibly harsh critic of myself, and I think many of us are, too. Just accept and love yourself, embrace and live the shit out of your life. Someone is going to want in.
Edit: wow, RIP: my inbox. First Reddit gold! Thank you, kind internet stranger!β
#6.Β Like a butterfly
βI always tried to remember something I read. βHappiness is like a butterfy. The more you chase it, the faster it will flutter away. Its when you ignore it, and focus on other things, that it will come land in your hand on its own.β
#5.Β Let them know beforehand
βBecome okay on your own first and foremost and recognize that there are things about yourself that people will not like and will disqualify you from their dating pool and thatβs okay! I lost over 140lbs and have quite the amount of loose skin and once I realized that some quys and gals just wouldnβt be down for that and thatβs alright I started to be okay.
I let potential dates know before hand and if they were like, βeww no.β Then I knew that that wasnβt someone I would want in my life anyway.
Other guys I told about it would try to shower me with compliments and say, βno, youβre perfect,β but I could tell they cringed.
My current boyfriend saw a picture of my skin, nodded took a breath and said, βbabe, your shitβs fucked.β
I love that asshole.β
#4.Β Weβre very biased
βI donβt mean to spoil the mood, but thereβs a Bo Burnham quote that I think applies here: βI would say donβt take advice from people like me who have gotten very lucky. Weβre very biased. You know, like Taylor Swift telling you to to follow your dreams is like a lottery winner telling you, βLiquidize your assets; buy Powerball tickets β it works!β β If Iβm honest, luck was the main factor in me finding my partner, and thereβs no formula or advice I can pass on for that.β
#3.Β Get out of the house
βGet out of the house! People arenβt going to show up to your front door. The more social events/places you go to the better. I know people who complain about there not being anyone out there for them but they never give themselves the opportunity to meet new people!β
#2.Β Things that seem terrifying
βI was a shut-in ages 13-17 because of my familyβs abuse and bullying in middle school. My therapist, family, familyβs friends, etc. were all skeptical of my ability to live a βnormalβ life β I basically spent all day playing Runescape, procrastinating in online school, and roleplaying on weird niche websites. I had severe anxiety, depression, and body dysmorphia, so any hallmarks of a βnormalβ life seemed totally out of the question. Especially romance and sex, because of the body dysmorphia.
Some stuff happened, and I ended up moving out at 18. Into my own apartment. Everyone thought this was completely insane, of course, but it worked.
I think the most important part was that I had to rely on myself, which involved, like, ordering at restaurants. Or buying vegetables at the farmerβs market (the closest market to my house). Or working on my laptop in a coffee shop because they had free internet and a good parfait. I donβt know β no one reacted to me like I was some crazy monster with a hideously wrong face. So I started talking to people, who mostly assumed I was a real person and not someone who until recently would go days at a time without bathing (alternatively: bathing 6 times a day), waking up only to play Skyrim, eating chips for every meal. I was mostly just so shocked each step of the way β shocked that people were reacting to me like I was normal β that I didnβt even really think about romance until it happened organically. And after that, IΒ feltΒ normal, because I had done lots of normal people things and I didnβt feel like I was pretending anymore. So, it was easier the next time.
Itβs cliche, but I think the only reason any of this happened was because I put myself in a position where I had no option but to do a bunch of things that seemed terrifying and impossible before. And itβs easier to do things when youΒ haveΒ to, and if everything is something that used to be completely impossible, thereβs not that big a gulf between, like, buying a watermelon and talking to the person sitting next to you?
I donβt know if thatβs good advice. But yeah.β
#1.Β Worth a chat
βTalk to strangers.
That random guy buying caulk at Lowes on Sunday morning probably has a few things going for him.
He knows a little something about home maintence. Heβs frugal enough to do the job himself. Heβs not still drunk from last night. He is going to finish his project before the game begins tonight.
Itβs at least worth a chat.β
Share this:
- Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Pocket (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
- Click to share on Skype (Opens in new window)
- Click to print (Opens in new window)
- Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window)