I read a very interesting article the other day in Women’s Health Magazine that asks a simple question … when a man isn’t faithful, why do we all immediately jump to blame the other woman? Is that really fair considering it takes two to tango?
Consider the word “homewrecker” for a second.
Did the image of a man or woman come to mind? With cheating scandals, we all love to blame “the other woman” (especially if she looks like Kate Upton). We judge the nannies who come between celeb couples like Ben and Jen, Gwen and Gavin, and Jude and Sienna, with a vengeance; and letβs be honest: Six kids later, a lot of women still donβt like Angelina (but Brad, heβs great). In our heart of hearts, we know it takes two to tango (or, shall we say, have sex outside monogamy)βso why is it that women still get all the blame? Let’s examine the psychology:
1. We Assume Guys Are Bad Anyways
Fact: Men commit the majority of heinous crimes we see on TV and read about online. “Thereβs this assumption that men are dogs and women are the nice ones,β says Christine Hartman, Ph.D., a behavior scientist and relationship expert. βWhen women do something bad, itβs easier to get mad at them because we think theyβre acting outside their true nature.β Itβs as if theyβve broken a sacred code (you knowβthe one that goes βdonβt get with my man and I wonβt sleep with yoursβ). The woman is considered an evil bitch while the man is accused of making a mistake, yet in reality, heβs the only one thatβs broken any kind of contract.
2. Itβs Easier to Hate Her
βThe other woman is an easy targetβespecially if you donβt know her, or sheβs not your friend. Hating the person you love that wronged you, on the other hand, is confusing,β says Hartman. βPutting the blame on him makes you address uncomfortable questions, like βwhat if our marriage is a sham?β βMaybe heβs not who I think he is?β βAm I going to be alone the rest of my life?ββ And, most of the time, if weβre lashing out at her, itβs because we plan to stay but need a place to put our anger, says psychologist Brandy Engler, Ph.D., author of The Men On My Couch. (And we know yelling at him will only jeopardize the relationship more.)
3. We Think She Tempted Him
Call it slut-shaming 101: βWe think, βif I can just get rid of her everything will be ok,β because sheβs tempting him and making it easy for him to cheat. But we know thereβs a million reasons why guys cheat, and usually itβs a bigger problem than just getting rid of one womanβthatβs like treating the symptom,β says Hartman. What is more effective: Forget about condemning the other woman, and try to understand his behavior. βRarely do guys cheat because their partner isnβt beautiful enough or the woman he cheated with is more beautifulβheβs usually acting out because heβs angry at his partner or hasnβt been getting his emotional or physical needs met,β says Engler.
So, next time you’re trying to console a friend who has been cheated on, orβgulpβdealing with a cheating situation of your own, heed the temptation to clapback at the other woman. At the end of the day, she’s just another lady looking for love.
Source: Women’s Health Magazine
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