It’s impossible to ever truly understand what’s going through someone’s head, and men can seem to be especially hard to read at times. That being said, there are times when we must take a step back and evaluate what their intentions may be when they don’t have the courage, to be honest; either with you or with themselves. Even though it may not always seem to be so, going through a breakup is always hard for both parties involved. We just process and cope with those feelings in different ways from person to person.
If you are in a situation where you’ve been broken up with but your ex seems to want to keep you around, unfortunately, you are not alone. It’s truly a tale as old as time, and it happens during more breakups than not from my experience. This can be happening for so many different reasons, and it is hard to generalize it all under one feeling or thought. But, at the end of the day, your priority should be to evaluate how this arrangement will affect you long term and if that’s something that you are comfortable with putting yourself through.
The simplest and most common reason for this is familiarity. We find a great sense of comfort in the things that are familiar to us. When you are in a relationship, your partner becomes a huge part of your routine and daily life. It feels as if everything changes after a breakup, and it can be an overwhelming experience. Putting ourselves out there is a hard thing to do, and it is so much easier to just seek out solace in what we know. You are both putting yourself at risk of just delaying the breakup and being able to work through it.
A more difficult explanation to swallow would be that they are essentially using you. They may not even realize that this is the case, but regardless of the intention, they are still hurting you and themselves. They could be trying to seek out relationships with other people, and yet they are looking to you as a safety net if they change their mind or are unable to find companionship elsewhere. You must remind yourself of your worth and that you are not a back up plan or a second choice.
Most of us don’t want to accept that we are making this easy for them to do to us. You are making yourself available for them to cause this suffering in your life. When going through a breakup, it is so important to take a step back to not only process your emotions but focus on yourself. You will not be able to do that without taking at least a period of time where there is no contact with your ex-boyfriend. Nevertheless, the best advice I have would be to stop letting yourself be available to the person who has already hurt you.
We can never fully understand what’s going through someone’s head. These explanations could not even be the answer to what they are feeling. But at the end of the day, the outcome is the same and that is an inevitable heartbreak. As someone who has been through heartbreaks of my own, the best medicine is self-love and respect. Take a step back to focus on yourself and protect your heart from being hurt any more than it already has.