When you are in the middle of an intense, heat of the moment debate, the worst thing you can do is say you’re crazy. Those two little words are saying big things about you and your relationship.
You should never react to their intense, and maybe even over-dramatic emotion by invalidating their feelings. Even if they are exaggerating, if you really listen you will find that there is probably a kernel of truth to what they are saying, even if just the teeniest, tiniest bit.
Let’s just think about the words “You’re crazy” in this example fight …
You don’t seem like you care about me at all. I never see you anymore. You never call.
Now you could react with the, “Are you kidding me? You’re crazy! I’ve seen you 4 times this week,” and maybe you are right. Maybe you did see them 4 times this week, but by saying “you’re crazy” you’ve immediately invalidated their feelings.
You need to focus on what’s real and rational in the other person’s argument. In our example the problem is, they aren’t feeling loved. The question you need to ask yourself is why do they feel that way? Calling them crazy isn’t going to solve the problem, it will only make it worse.
